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 PostPost subject: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 7:54 pm 
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OK, I am in high school and I am dating a girl. We have spend time together. However, her father always disapprove of the relationship and now he called me and told me yesterday that I am not to text, call, or approach her or their would be consequences. To make matter worse, her father also knows my parents and could potentially get me in trouble.

Yesterday, we were texting about colleges we want to go to and she said she want to go to Brigham Young University. (She's Mormon) Well, we went on to text about Brigham Young University Honor Code. We also text about how ridiculous the code is and I said that I could potentially break some of the rules and that i already break some. Well, she said that my mind is dirty so I brought up the point of what she did with her ex-boyfriend (you know what I mean). Well, she was shock that I know about that. Well, I told her not to worry that I won't tell anyone (her parents already know). She also said that she will keep my secrets I told her a month ago a secret. About 1-2 hours later, I got a call from her dad (and as i said above) told me that I am not to text, call, or approach her or their would be consequences.

I have no idea if she told her father or he search her phone. I know for a fact that he search her phone randomly. What should I do? should i call her father and explain what's going on? I think that he think that I am harassing her. (he probably only read the last few text and not the whole thing)

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:05 pm 
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Day2Die wrote:
OK, I am in high school and I am dating a girl. We have spend time together. However, her father always disapprove of the relationship and now he called me and told me yesterday that I am not to text, call, or approach her or their would be consequences. To make matter worse, her father also knows my parents and could potentially get me in trouble.

Yesterday, we were texting about colleges we want to go to and she said she want to go to Brigham Young University. (She's Mormon) Well, we went on to text about Brigham Young University Honor Code. We also text about how ridiculous the code is and I said that I could potentially break some of the rules and that i already break some. Well, she said that my mind is dirty so I brought up the point of what she did with her ex-boyfriend (you know what I mean). Well, she was shock that I know about that. Well, I told her not to worry that I won't tell anyone (her parents already know). She also said that she will keep my secrets I told her a month ago a secret. About 1-2 hours later, I got a call from her dad (and as i said above) told me that I am not to text, call, or approach her or their would be consequences.

I have no idea if she told her father or he search her phone. I know for a fact that he search her phone randomly. What should I do? should i call her father and explain what's going on? I think that he think that I am harassing her. (he probably only read the last few text and not the whole thing)


He's just tryin to protect her, which is more than alot of parents do nowadays. However strict it may seem, going behind his back and texting her is not the way to combat this. He may be more trusting if you stand up to him like a man and let him know your intentions. Though he may not be the negotiating type, its more likely that he'll at least feel he's in control and give it a chance.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:08 pm 
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Oh, also I forgot to mention that I am on break and that I can't talk to her again until I school is open (which is April 6)

Should I talk to her dad? if so now or until school is open or should i wait until school is open and talk to her first?

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:50 pm 
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Day2Die wrote:
Oh, also I forgot to mention that I am on break and that I can't talk to her again until I school is open (which is April 6)

Should I talk to her dad? if so now or until school is open or should i wait until school is open and talk to her first?


You should talk to her dad first....she may try to talk you out of it. As for when, it depends on how long you want this to go on. I'm not promising that things will turn out peachy as I know little about the situation, but anything is better than betraying her dad's trust. He may not worry so much and may believe you care for her if you go to him despite being weary of the outcome. You don't have much to lose, especially since he's alienated you from her life.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 9:21 pm 
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This may sound harsh, but you really should figure this out on your own. I'm not trying to say that the advice given is bad, but we can't advice you of what you should do. We don't know you, we don't know your situation, we don't know anyone involved. Honestly, you should do what you think is the right choice. Not only is it a learning experience for you, but it makes you an independent person.

I can't tell you how often I go to other forums and see people posting their personal "problems" or asking people, who they don't know, to make decisions for them. I've seen people asking for help on what school they should go to, what game to buy, relationship advice, ect. I really feel that using the Internet as a "crutch," to make personal decisions concerning your life, however trivial or important they may be, only harms you in being an independent person. Some of the people I've seen on other forums just makes me wonder how some of them determine when they should eat. I think it's a bit sad that some people trust the advice of people they don't know over themselves.

So my advice to you, is to make the decision yourself or ask people who know more about your situation. No matter how much you try to fill us in, we still don't know enough to give you good advice. We have no idea what "consequences" mean. We don't know if he's a violent person or what type of information he as on you that could get you into trouble and we don't know exactly what was said in the text message.


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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 9:43 pm 
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Ambigs advice is quite good.

Also, if you are to confront her father, don't do it by call or SMS or whatnot (some people think those are accpetable ways to have such conversations) its somthing you need to discuss face to face.
The fact they are mormons would complicate things though.

Really though, its your life, you know better than anyone else what you should do.


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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 10:00 pm 
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I agree with Ambig's and J.Byrne's advice. Every situation is unique and it is hard/impossible to tell what to do.
I had similar situation, where my neighbour's father told me not to talk with her daugher and stay away from her. But that was many years ago and I was not courage enough to tell her father my point of view, so I left everything as it is and moved on. Today everything would have been different. But about half a year ago I saw her father arguing with another guy and told him to stay away from her.
And yeah, I did not listen to my parents advice that time. (As I wouldn't have listened to anyone else's advice.)
So, to the point - we can give you advice but it is up to you whether you listen us or not. But that's for sure, when you are going to talk with her father, do it face to face. Talking these serious things via telephone could not be a good idea.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 10:13 pm 
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J.Byrne wrote:
Ambigs advice is quite good.

Also, if you are to confront her father, don't do it by call or SMS or whatnot (some people think those are accpetable ways to have such conversations) its somthing you need to discuss face to face.
The fact they are mormons would complicate things though.

Really though, its your life, you know better than anyone else what you should do.

RayBiez wrote:
I agree with Ambig's and J.Byrne's advice. Every situation is unique and it is hard/impossible to tell what to do.
I had similar situation, where my neighbour's father told me not to talk with her daugher and stay away from her. But that was many years ago and I was not courage enough to tell her father my point of view, so I left everything as it is and moved on. Today everything would have been different. But about half a year ago I saw her father arguing with another guy and told him to stay away from her.
And yeah, I did not listen to my parents advice that time. (As I wouldn't have listened to anyone else's advice.)
So, to the point - we can give you advice but it is up to you whether you listen us or not. But that's for sure, when you are going to talk with her father, do it face to face. Talking these serious things via telephone could not be a good idea.

Well , I am going to try to talk to her father by phone because I really don't know him that well, and for a good reason. I only met him once because he is always too "busy" to talk with me in person. The fact is that he provide little respect to those that are not Mormon. His ideal relationship is for her to go out with a Mormon boyfriend.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:46 pm 
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Day2Die wrote:
J.Byrne wrote:
Ambigs advice is quite good.

Also, if you are to confront her father, don't do it by call or SMS or whatnot (some people think those are accpetable ways to have such conversations) its somthing you need to discuss face to face.
The fact they are mormons would complicate things though.

Really though, its your life, you know better than anyone else what you should do.

RayBiez wrote:
I agree with Ambig's and J.Byrne's advice. Every situation is unique and it is hard/impossible to tell what to do.
I had similar situation, where my neighbour's father told me not to talk with her daugher and stay away from her. But that was many years ago and I was not courage enough to tell her father my point of view, so I left everything as it is and moved on. Today everything would have been different. But about half a year ago I saw her father arguing with another guy and told him to stay away from her.
And yeah, I did not listen to my parents advice that time. (As I wouldn't have listened to anyone else's advice.)
So, to the point - we can give you advice but it is up to you whether you listen us or not. But that's for sure, when you are going to talk with her father, do it face to face. Talking these serious things via telephone could not be a good idea.

Well , I am going to try to talk to her father by phone because I really don't know him that well, and for a good reason. I only met him once because he is always too "busy" to talk with me in person. The fact is that he provide little respect to those that are not Mormon. His ideal relationship is for her to go out with a Mormon boyfriend.


You know, for some reason I kept forgetting you said he was Mormon. That can really complicate things. No offense to Mormon's, but their thought process is a bit off the chart. I stayed with a Mormon family for a few months and I can honestly say their choices and convictions made no sense to me. You still may want to talk to him in person, as it will make it slightly more difficult for him to avoid you. Going with everyone else's advice though, this may be a process you'll have to stumble through to get to the right outcome since we only know surface details.

As far as getting advice online being a "crutch", it depends on how you look at it. Sometimes its good to get a different perspective before making a decision based solely on feelings. If there are people close to you that know your situation a bit better however, you're already a few steps ahead of the game. Some of us didn't have that growing up.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 1:57 am 
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Using the phone to talk to him is cowardly, and disingenuous. If you truly want to make it right, talk to him face to face, lay it out, and take whatever he has to dish out. As a father, I would accept nothing less... as a matter of fact, doing it over the phone would only [censored] me off more.


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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 3:04 am 
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RentedMule wrote:
Using the phone to talk to him is cowardly, and disingenuous. If you truly want to make it right, talk to him face to face, lay it out, and take whatever he has to dish out. As a father, I would accept nothing less... as a matter of fact, doing it over the phone would only [censored] me off more.

That's just the thing, he wouldn't show up. I am stuck at home and i have to babysit. I don't have a car and it is not like he is my neighbor. I don't even know where he live for god sake (well i know what street it is on), I only met with him when shopping once and he gave me this look. My girlfriend have to come to my house not the other ways around because of obvious reason. The only one he welcome to his house is people he know from church.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:17 am 
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You do know that you could have avoided this whole situation by not even blackmailing her with the fact that she got some from her Ex...

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:48 am 
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pizzaboy192 wrote:
You do know that you could have avoided this whole situation by not even blackmailing her with the fact that she got some from her Ex...

I know and I wish I didn't. I went to talk to her dad and he got partial understanding. He apparently forgive me although he didn't like any more that he did before. I am happy that things finally return to normal. Her father is seriously grouchy!!!

I want to thanks all of you for helping me out and got my relationship back on track.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:17 am 
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I just re-read your first post, and it says you were "texting around." It sounds like a long conversation. Why didn't you call her instead of texting the entire conversation? You probably would have had your conversation much quicker or talked about more subjects in the time it took to text that entire thing. And best off all, there's no evidence left behind.

I've never quite understood how people can text an entire conversation. I can understand asking what someone's doing, but texting to people instead of talking seems so impersonal. It seems that people have cell phones to do everything BUT make phone calls. If you're going to text people at your homes, I don't know why you wouldn't use AIM/MSN or some other instant messaging. It's free and faster. Texting doesn't even seem like progress, but more like regression. Money was dumped into the development of phones so that we wouldn't have to send letters to each other and so you could talk to someone anytime they're home. Then we spend oodles of cash on building infastructure so we can literally talk to anyone anywhere at anytime of day. Then we use this technology to send what is effectively letters to each other. It all seems kind of dumb.


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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:27 pm 
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Ambig wrote:
I just re-read your first post, and it says you were "texting around." It sounds like a long conversation. Why didn't you call her instead of texting the entire conversation? You probably would have had your conversation much quicker or talked about more subjects in the time it took to text that entire thing. And best off all, there's no evidence left behind.

I've never quite understood how people can text an entire conversation. I can understand asking what someone's doing, but texting to people instead of talking seems so impersonal. It seems that people have cell phones to do everything BUT make phone calls. If you're going to text people at your homes, I don't know why you wouldn't use AIM/MSN or some other instant messaging. It's free and faster. Texting doesn't even seem like progress, but more like regression. Money was dumped into the development of phones so that we wouldn't have to send letters to each other and so you could talk to someone anytime they're home. Then we spend oodles of cash on building infastructure so we can literally talk to anyone anywhere at anytime of day. Then we use this technology to send what is effectively letters to each other. It all seems kind of dumb.

To be honest, I don't know. I thinks it is the just part of modern day fashion. Well Alisha like to text me rather that talk for some reason.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:23 pm 
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I read through the entire topic, and I gotta admit, this is great advice for everyone. Sure, we have technology but there are some things that can only be done the old-fashioned way such as a face to face conversion or reading news from a newspaper.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:49 pm 
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Thlump wrote:
I read through the entire topic, and I gotta admit, this is great advice for everyone. Sure, we have technology but there are some things that can only be done the old-fashioned way such as a face to face conversion or reading news from a newspaper.

I quite agree with that. Well, I actually took a taxi and went to talk to him. Oh, the last time I read the news from a newspaper was ~7 years ago; I usually read the news from the websites.

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 2:10 am 
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Day2Die wrote:
OK, I am in high school and I am dating a girl. We have spend time together. However, her father always disapprove of the relationship and now he called me and told me yesterday that I am not to text, call, or approach her or their would be consequences. To make matter worse, her father also knows my parents and could potentially get me in trouble.

Yesterday, we were texting about colleges we want to go to and she said she want to go to Brigham Young University. (She's Mormon) Well, we went on to text about Brigham Young University Honor Code. We also text about how ridiculous the code is and I said that I could potentially break some of the rules and that i already break some. Well, she said that my mind is dirty so I brought up the point of what she did with her ex-boyfriend (you know what I mean). Well, she was shock that I know about that. Well, I told her not to worry that I won't tell anyone (her parents already know). She also said that she will keep my secrets I told her a month ago a secret. About 1-2 hours later, I got a call from her dad (and as i said above) told me that I am not to text, call, or approach her or their would be consequences.

I have no idea if she told her father or he search her phone. I know for a fact that he search her phone randomly. What should I do? should i call her father and explain what's going on? I think that he think that I am harassing her. (he probably only read the last few text and not the whole thing)


if your girlfriend is 18 or over then her father cant really do anything to stop either one of you
nor can he bound her to the religious views ( freedom of religion including the choice to have no religion )

as well as a university guide line whether a religious school or not has NO right to run you life and if they try the ACLU will have something to say about it

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 PostPost subject: Re: Problem with girlfriend's father!!!        Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 10:48 am 
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