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 PostPost subject: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 2:17 pm 
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Need to vent a bit, so here goes.

My girlfriend and I have been going out for a substantial while now, and generally things are fine. However she sometimes (like today) REALLY annoys me. Life hasn't exactly been kind to us over the past few months. She was made redundant, I have lost a fair bit of work (economic climate - however things are much better now), she's not been offered any job interviews (applied for loads), she's had health problems (actually turned out to be a false alarm, but still it dragged on for quite a while) & her parents have decided to go off to Corfu to live, leaving her nowhere to live, money or support (she's still in full time education). Obviously this isn't easy for her, and in turn me as she leans on me a lot.

I'm self employed, so the amount of work i do directly correlates to how much I earn. Over the past month I have had to cut my working hours by nearly half to accommodate her when she wants to see me or go out or whatever. Now this is having an impact of how much of the night I'm having to stay up through to work. For example, this week I have had no more than 15 hours combined sleep. She has just had a rant at me for working this afternoon when she has had the afternoon at college cancelled (apparently I should be physic). Then she had a rant at me about us not going out since tuesday. Then she broke it to me that she wants to go on holiday. Somewhere hot.

I mean this is just a huge catch 22 for me. She gets annoyed with me if i work, then annoyed when we don't have the money to enjoy ourselves (which we would have if I didn't have to refuse work), then puts her demands in. How the hell she thinks I'm paying her rent, car, fuel, insurance & living expenses is beyond me. Boy, I'd love to see some of my own money again.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[/RANT]

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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 3:08 pm 
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i understand the pain on the losing job front. i think you need to sit down and expain that this is something that requires a combined effort to fix. she needs to get on with her education and you need to earn your money. explain that luxuries arent an option at the moment because of the money problems and you both need to be careful. explain that you need more sleep and you need her help to find work too or bills wont get paid. relationships arent one sided, its combined effort!

one thing to never forget is tell her how much you love her and no matter how bad things are youll pull through. try spending more nights in together, you dont nee to go out to have agood time. set your workin hours and make sure she knows them, and never over run them. if you say 6pm finish, do it. dont carry on.

thats about all i can say right now, you need to take more control but in a caring way so as not to disrupt your life too much.

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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 5:25 pm 
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Welcome to woman :P
Only want money anr you never happy with out and woman always nag :P

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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 6:17 pm 
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You both sound young. If you aren't, then you are just learning this later than most.

First a bit of wisdom... When people initially get together, there is a lot of commonalities and a lot of differences. All of them a plus. As time goes on, some of those things aren't pluses anymore. Some of those things become huge minuses. Also, a life together is very much like planting two tree saplings in the same hole. At first they start out in the same place, but over time, they grow in different directions. It takes work to guide them to grow along the route.

Now, it is horribly apparent that your woman has no REAL concept of responsibility. Her parents moving away should NOT put her in the vulnerable position she seems to be in. Countless young adults every day move out of their parents home, get a job, and go to college. I held two fulltime jobs while I went to school. Sure it was grueling, but also, it was pretty damn obvious what it would take for me to make it all happen. So I did it. She needs to buck up and do the same.

Letting her drag you down because she can't see the whole picture is a big mistake. Especially for her, she needs to learn what it means to earn your money and deserve the things you have... how missing an afternoon of work to spend time with her is not even close to the cost you have to pay for it (unearned wages, lost sleep). If she refuses to even try to understand it, it will never get better. Never. If she tries to cope and work with you on it, you may have a keeper.

Good Luck.


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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 6:20 pm 
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You must tell that that reality has hit. Still, DO take her out somewhere that fits in your budget. Remember, college life is stressful, going out can help relief the pain. Look at your wallet and DON'T go to the extreme. I am in high school and I am taking 3 Advance Placement classes (college credit) right now and you would believe how difficult it is esp Chemistry AP. My mother's restaurants has taken the worst since we first open our doors, so I took Alisha, my girlfriend, to Yosemite National Park.

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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 12:08 am 
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"apparently I should be physic' if you have learn t that already then our work is done, that's all you need to know about the female species :D

all i can say is tell she should improve her circle of friends, you cant be with her 24 hours a day.

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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 2:56 am 
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Hang in there Tim


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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 10:24 am 
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@Andy - Thanks for that reply :) - It's given me some hope that things can be sorted to be a bit better for both of us! The trouble is (I think this contributes greatly to her attitude) is that she never has to work at anything. She's taking A levels at college, and is flying through without any revision. Just rushing the coursework the night before, & not revising for exams. She's still getting straight A grades. I do believe this is part of her problem, as she doesn't realize that once she is out of there it's going to be a hell of a lot harder. Life isn't all academic. I was exactly the same through school. I have some cracking qualifications, but that didn't mean life hit me VERY hard when I got "out there". Part of me worries that if she is getting so down about life now, what will it be like when the time comes for her to HAVE to get a job?

The other problem is that I have been banned from her house (will explain further on in the post) so being together isn't really very easy either. I do try to see her most days, but it does involve going out. Hopefully this little situation will be rectified when her parents go to Corfu. As for working hours, I do generally say 9-5 Monday-Saturday. But I always end up bending these for her. Maybe I should be tougher, even if it upsets her.

@RentedMule - We're both relatively young, yes. I'm 20 and she's 18. I would agree with you that she doesn't have any sense of responsibility. Unfortunately the parents situation is a little more in depth than that. In my opinion, a parent has a moral duty of care until their son/daughter is able to stand up for themselves, so to speak. That's certainly how my parents act, and what I was brought up to believe is right. Her parents have admitted to only having her for financial benefit, and act that way around her. She gets bollocked for everything, while her older sister (10 years older) is an absolute princess, in their eyes. Katie's sister treats her in the same way. I said I was banned from her house, this is because they were insisting that Katie pays them £120 per month for board. How the hell they expect her to do that when she's just lost her job (which only payed £180 p/m) is beyond me - so I let rip at them after months of pent up frustration at them.

She is trying to get back in to work (she has worked solidly from when she was 16 in Woolworths) but is finding it extremely difficult to even be offered an interview, let alone a job.

Thanks again for all the replies, it has added a fresh perspective on it for me, and helped to clear my mind.

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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2009 5:30 pm 
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Know how it feels. Dealing with girls uses more brainpower than coding.

One thing I am learning is not to express your feelings so fast. They need to be uncertain about what you feel.

I guess. :beta:


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 PostPost subject: Re: [RANT] Girls.        Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:32 pm 
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ANDY IM GLAD THAT YOU CAN GIVE A SERIOUS ANSWER TO ALMOST ALL POSTS CONGRATULATIONS


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