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 PostPost subject: Surrealist Jokes        Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:33 am 
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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

A cat walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender notes how ridiculous this is, because cats can not speak, nor are their thought processes complex enough to do even something as simple as ordering a drink at a bar. The bartender wakes up and realizes it was all a dream. Grateful to be returned to a world that makes sense, he rolls over and tells his wife, but she does not share his enthusiasm. Indeed, their 26-year marriage has begun to sour as of late. The bartender cries.

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars." The bear replies, "I guess I will have a soda instead." So the bear and the bartender talk over nonalcoholic drinks all night about the reality of interspecies communication.

Bonus (and not quite surrealist):

So I'm walking down the street, and a rather shifty dude wearing a hooded top, and a scarf covering his face.
He approaches me and pulls out a knife, "You better give me all you're money, or else you're Geography!!!"
In my panic, I responded: "Don't you mean, or else I'm history?"
And he said "DON'T CHANGE THE ******* SUBJECT!!!!!"


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 PostPost subject: Re: Surrealist Jokes        Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 2:17 pm 
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`Borrowed` from Joss Whedon's "Angel" but what the hell, always liked this one.

Two men walk into a bar.
The first man orders a scotch and soda.
The second man remembers something he'd forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking and then through the floor and into the Earth.
He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him.
They're not that close.


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 PostPost subject: Re: Surrealist Jokes        Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:33 pm 
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Here's some more:

Q: How many surrealists does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the hottub with bananas.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change another lightbulb?
A: Spoon.


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 PostPost subject: Re: Surrealist Jokes        Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:42 pm 
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 PostPost subject: Re: Surrealist Jokes        Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 12:27 am 
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What's the difference between an American girl and an arab girl?
American girls get stoned before they commit adultery.

What's difference between Ronald Reagan and a Gorilla?
A gorilla is large and hairy and Ronald Reagan was once the president.

What does tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They are both looking for a tight seal.

So a mushroom walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
The bartender calls his psychiatrist to report that he is hallucinating again.

One time I went to a party without a shirt.
When people asked why, I said "I just came in my pants."


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