Mission Critical legal document

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mrpijey
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Mission Critical legal document

Post by mrpijey »

You know all those license agreements and legal docs that come with software... they are usually so dry and boring that you fall asleep after the third line or they are so hard to understand that even an undergraduate at Harvard would have problems reading it...

The makers of the game Mission Critical however got some real funny stuff in theirs... enjoy
LEGAL STUFF

We appreciate your purchasing a license to use our product, and we want
you to feel good about that purchase. Unfortunately, our lawyers have
forced us to put some rather obnoxious verbiage here. Fortunately, all
of our competition puts the same stuff in their manuals. Some of the
things written below may appear to be outrageous and unconscionable.
But then, so are our lawyers. (Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of
sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort? A: Because they're used
to doing all of their lying indoors.)

1. Limited Warranty. This manual and the related software product
are sold "AS IS," without warranty as to their performance. Wait a minute!
You mean that if the program does not have a happy ending, I do not get my
money back? ...Yes. We have probably already spent your money to keep our
programmers in pizza anyway. Here comes some more legalese to try to nail
down that concept.

The entire risk as to the quality and performance of the computer software
program is assumed by the user. However, Legend Entertainment Company
warrants for a period of 90 days to the original purchaser that the medium
on which the software is recorded is free from defects in material and
workmanship. If during that period ending 90 days from purchase a defect
should become apparent, return the disk to Legend or your dealer and
Legend will replace the disk without charge to you. Your sole and
exclusive remedy in the event of a defect is expressly limited to
replacement of the disk as provided above. This warranty gives you
specific legal rights and you may also have other rights which vary
from state to state. (NOTE: After the warranty period, a defective
disk may be returned to us with a check or money order for $7.50 U.S.
and we will replace it.)

THE WARRANTIES SET FORTH ABOVE ARE IN LIEU OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR
IMPLIED, INCLUDING ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS
FOR ANY PARTICULAR PURPOSE. SOME STATES DO NOT ALLOW LIMITATIONS ON HOW
LONG AN IMPLIED WARRANTY LASTS, SO THE ABOVE LIMITATION MAY NOT APPLY TO
YOU. IN NO EVENT SHALL LEGEND ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY OR ANYONE ELSE WHO
HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN THE CREATION OR PRODUCTION OF THIS COMPUTER SOFTWARE
PROGRAM BE LIABLE FOR DIRECT, INDIRECT, SPECIAL, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES
ARISING OUT OF USE OF THIS SOFTWARE OR ANY BREACH OF THE WARRANTY SET
FORTH ABOVE. SOME STATES DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OR LIMITATION OF
INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, SO THE ABOVE LIMITATION MAY NOT APPLY
TO YOU. For example, you may be playing our game when a friend passing
by is distracted by some of the graphics. He walks into a floor lamp.
The lamp falls over, scaring your cat. The cat streaks from the room,
upsetting a heater which sets some curtains afire. Unfortunately, it is
a windy day and the fire is soon out of control. Three days later Chicago
is still ablaze. If we took out an insurance policy against such remote
contingencies, we would have to charge $1599.99 for the game, and you
would not be reading this lame copy. Anyway, we do not assume liability
for things like this, even if the city is a small one like Muleshoe,
Texas.

2. Copyright. This manual and the related software product are
copyright , 1995, by Legend Entertainment Company. All rights are
reserved. This document may not, in whole or part, be copied, reproduced,
plagiarized, or otherwise ripped off without our express consent (which
we are not going to give). The money you spent on this product purchased
a license to use it (check your other software; almost no software is
sold these days). The scope of the license is to make such copies as
are reasonably necessary for your personal use. You do not have the
right to give copies to your friends (or enemies). Unreasonable copying
and/or distributing of this product is a violation of law. The U. S.
Copyright Act provides for statutory damages of up to $50,000 for willful
infringement of a copyright. Giving copies of our software to your
friends is an infringement. GOTCHA! Now that you know that unauthorized
copying is an infringement, if you do so it will be willful, and you can
be nailed for some big bucks if we catch you.
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Gnome
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Post by Gnome »

(Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of
sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort? A: Because they're used
to doing all of their lying indoors.)
LOL!!!!
Fond that bit very funnd

WinPC

Post by WinPC »

I once saw a funny EULA like that. It mentioned somewhere that they wern't responsible if bad things happened like your pets died or something like that. I also know that the Spybot Search and Destroy EULA has some funny things in it.

missingno
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Post by missingno »

Consider the following:
Image
OK, let's be honest. You didn't really read the EULA. How do I know? Because hardly anyone does. To prove that point, PC Pitstop included a clause in one of its own EULAs that promised anyone who read it, a "consideration" including money if they sent a note to an email address listed in the EULA. After four months and more than 3,000 downloads, one person finally wrote in. That person, by the way, got a check for $1,000 proving, at least for one person, that it really does pay to read EULAs.
From: http://pcpitstop.com/spycheck/eula.asp.

XDude
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Post by XDude »

missingno wrote:Consider the following:
Image
OK, let's be honest. You didn't really read the EULA. How do I know? Because hardly anyone does. To prove that point, PC Pitstop included a clause in one of its own EULAs that promised anyone who read it, a "consideration" including money if they sent a note to an email address listed in the EULA. After four months and more than 3,000 downloads, one person finally wrote in. That person, by the way, got a check for $1,000 proving, at least for one person, that it really does pay to read EULAs.
From: http://pcpitstop.com/spycheck/eula.asp.
i actuallly read the winows eula, and it goes though a bunch of stuff and again, its quite longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.
thats 20 minutes of time used for reading a eula.

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