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 PostPost subject: Real life problem... i need serious help        Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:43 am 
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well, today, I was talking to one of my friends, and he told me something i know he wants me to help him with, but i don't know how i can

please, i tried filtering through this chat as much as i can, and if i didn't remove a swear or 2, i apologize... please give me some advice, as i don't want to make things worse (names have been changed, btw)

Quote:
(9:16:36 PM) Jason: lol, ull never guess where I am
(9:16:51 PM) Me: where?
(9:16:57 PM) Jason: thompson
(9:17:12 PM) Me: y?
(9:18:00 PM) Jason: last night, dad came home drunk and mom was out still, and he was bothering robert and I, he hit me and spit in my face, and I left and called my aunt Jenny
(9:18:15 PM) Me: wow...
(9:18:21 PM) Me: so ur staying there until ?
(9:18:41 PM) Jason: whenever I feel like going home, which is probably never
(9:18:59 PM) Me: how r u getting 2 school tomorrow?
(9:19:05 PM) Jason: my aunt Jenny
(9:19:15 PM) Me: o
(9:19:36 PM) Jason: she'll drop me of at the bus stop in the morning, ill go home for like 10 minutes, she'll drop by and pick me up
(9:21:00 PM) Jason: I can't live there anymore, I can't trust having to be with them anymore weekends, and dad has always been an [Censored] to me
(9:22:04 PM) Me: dude, talk 2 guidance, that was child abuse, and, no offense, but both your parents need serious help
(9:22:27 PM) Jason: no im fine, as long as im living here
(9:22:36 PM) Me: dude, talk 2 guidance
(9:23:29 PM) Jason: no, I don't want it to be like uber serious, I want my parents to realize that they need to fix themselves if they want me back
(9:24:26 PM) Me: dude, uve tried that- it didnt f****** work
(9:24:38 PM) Me: and if ur dad is violent when hes drunk, he needs help
(9:25:00 PM) Jason: listen- im not letting the school get involved
(9:25:49 PM) Jason: they will go to counseling once they want me back, and plus they wont have time on their hands because of me
(9:26:06 PM) Me: w/e
(9:26:11 PM) Me: let him keep doing it then
(9:26:24 PM) Me: i would have done something about it long ago
(9:26:48 PM) Jason: yea, well, if u were in my shoes literally, things would be different
(9:26:57 PM) Me: no, they wouldnt
(9:27:05 PM) Me: i would hav had the police involved already
(9:27:08 PM) Jason: no
(9:27:11 PM) Me: because i no he was wrong
(9:27:17 PM) Jason: no police
(9:27:30 PM) Me: and if i was threatened, he would b gone for a little while
(9:27:36 PM) Me: ive called the police on my dad before
(9:27:45 PM) Jason: and wat happened?
(9:27:55 PM) Me: he changed- a lot
(9:28:44 PM) Jason: my dad has been locked up so many times, its not funny. so idk if he'll change
(9:30:06 PM) Me: well, if it means losing you, it better, but if he doesnt care and just wants to get drunk, theres no way he could b a parent to you
(9:30:20 PM) Jason: exactly
(9:30:30 PM) Me: talk 2 somebody
(9:30:47 PM) Me: bcuz if he hit you, it isnt gonna b the last time he does unless you do something about it
(9:31:29 PM) Jason: I've talked to [name of a girl] and my aunt about it
(9:31:44 PM) Jason: how he has been doing this since i was 7
(9:31:51 PM) Me: thats [censored] horrible
(9:32:09 PM) Me: hes a [censored] [censored- completes: "it's just a little -----"] - i dont know how the [censored] you have never done anything about this!
(9:32:57 PM) Jason: wat else could i do at 7 years old? but now i know better, and thats y i left last night
(9:33:13 PM) Jason: cuz i wont take anymore of his [censored]
(9:33:20 PM) Me: talk to [censored] guidance
(9:33:24 PM) Me: they can do something for you
(9:33:49 PM) Jason: yea, contact police
(9:33:56 PM) Me: so? if thats what it takes
(9:37:32 PM) Jason: i just don't want to make this an issue or legal or law [censored], cuz they're gonna make me do [censored] I dont need, wat I need, is to live out my teens and pass my classes and enjoy life with my friends.


he hasn't answered since...

I think i should report it to our guidance counselor at school tomorrow, even if our friend ship is ruined by it, at least this (hopefully) wouldn't be happening to him anymore. All i want for him is to be safe, and i have seen his dad when he's drunk, and his mom is usually just as drunk, so nobody can help him when his dad is drunk, and his dad has chased me before and scared the [Censored] out of me when he was drunk


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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 5:12 am 
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1) how old is your friend?
2) Is there any stable legal adult who would be fine with being a legal gaurdian of your friend?


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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:16 am 
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My friends been in the same position as your friend and I've been the one caught up in it.

If they can live with a legal guardian (in this case their Aunty from what I've read) they should and something can be worked out down the track. I know in Australia if your over 13 (but under 18 ) you can live with any one over 18 as long as theyre responsible etc but if the police tell them to live with a certai nsomeone they have to do that (in this case they usually wouldnt)


For now, they should live with a legal guardian and sort it over time, but for now, Report it to the guidance whoever though...they wont wanna talk to you for a while but in the end theyll thank you...

edit we can continue discussing this over msn or aim if you wish, email is in my sig.


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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:52 pm 
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my friend is 15, and while he can live with his aunt for the time being, his dad will fight to get him back while hes sober, then he will probably celebrate his victory and get wasted again. Plus, his aunt can not take care of him as a legal guardian- she does not have a job, home, or car (she drives her sister's car, lives in her sister's house, etc.)


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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:59 pm 
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benny1091 wrote:
my friend is 15, and while he can live with his aunt for the time being, his dad will fight to get him back while hes sober, then he will probably celebrate his victory and get wasted again. Plus, his aunt can not take care of him as a legal guardian- she does not have a job, home, or car (she drives her sister's car, lives in her sister's house, etc.)


Being 15 does leave him with a choice. He is old enough to make decisions for himself now so if asked, his choice would be taken notice of. If his parents are abusing/hitting him, then there will be proof of that so if he decides its time to to tell the police he can present that as evidence. If not the police, then social services (or the equivalent of social services). However, telling social services will probably make it worse and things will never get back to normal, so he has to think of that side of it.

Maybe its time for him to confront his dad, when sober, and kindly say "look, I don't like it when you drink, can you stay sober, just for me?". Play the nice guy, it can work.

I hate to see families ripped apart. It happened to me when I was little over a year old. Although I don't remember it ever happening, it still caused problems for me later in life. I had a struggle to see my Dad because we lived so far apart etc.

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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:00 pm 
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...I'm assuming his auntys sister is a relative (I'm tired, dont laugh if i got it wrong) then why cant he live with her...


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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:21 pm 
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happy dude wrote:
...I'm assuming his auntys sister is a relative (I'm tired, dont laugh if i got it wrong) then why cant he live with her...


Not all relitives have the means to take care of children.

Andy said to use kind words to his father, let me tell you something, he isin't going to listen. He's just going to care about when he can pick up the next beer.

It's going to be a lot of trouble, but there might be a way if you get the courts involved you can get him rehabilitated until the courts deem he's content to gaurd you. Provided your mum is sober and allright, this might be a way to go. Check with your county on ways to go on this, but don't give out a big bang on this is happening. Butter it up a bit so they don't get an idea it's happening, just to avoid foster care.


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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:11 am 
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happy dude wrote:
Report it to the guidance whoever though...they wont wanna talk to you for a while but in the end theyll thank you...


Agreed. As other people have said also, since he's 15, he has somewhat of a choice to go against his parents in the legal system (if that makes sence)

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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:30 am 
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well, the thing with him is, he wont do anything about it, and I know he needs to, ive been through this before, his dad isnt going to stop unless he sees how bad he really is, and, from the IM, he has already been locked up a few times (like 5 i think 8-) )

all im trying to do is help his dad and my friend see how bad it is really is, but my friend, who's name in the IM above is Jason, won't do anything about it


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 PostPost subject:        Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 6:01 am 
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As the son of a lead caseworker for Department of Human Services (a social worker), I have to say call social services. They'll start an investigation, and if they find stuff going on there they can place him in another residence (until he's 18). Hell, maybe YOUR parents wouldn't mind your best friend living with you. They'll get a check to help cover the expenses.


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