Windows XP source code!!

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livelonger87
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Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:26 pm

Windows XP source code!!

Post by livelonger87 »

/* Source Code - Windows XP
*/

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "workst~1.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#include "backdoor.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big(16000000);
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();

if (first_time_installation)
{
make_100_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of-OS2();
make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux();
disable_Netscape();
disable_RealPlayer();
disable_Lotus_Products();
hang_system();
} //if
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_31();
do_nothing_loop();
} // if
} //while

if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed,very_slow);
set_mouse(action,jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction,sometimes);
} //if

/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.1"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 98"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows XP");

if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt)
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp",O_CREATE);

while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
} // while
create_general_protection_fault();

} // main


m4rkuz
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Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 9:21 pm

Post by m4rkuz »

Lol xD haha

Daniel
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Posts: 2607
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 2:11 pm
Location: Germany, Earth
Contact:

Post by Daniel »

I have another good one! The marketing strategy from Microsoft:
#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* for the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()
{
if(latest_window_version > one_month_old)
{
if(there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);

if(sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMORS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}

while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */

if(rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);

if(rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month");
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}

switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;

case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;

case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant""'cos all these customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;

case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone");

register(journalist, BIG_BILL_BOOK);

when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);

when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release(journalist);
}
}
break;
}

while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if(no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;

say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}

release(beta_version)

while(everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);

if(customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");

if(smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this [censored]");
}
}

if(bills_bank_account > skyhigh && marriage > two_years)
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);

if(boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}

if(there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}

/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us */

order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_[censored]);
buy(nice_little_island);
hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone, for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}

void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)

if(customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");

if(still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book); /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}

Tootles
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Posts: 984
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 12:50 pm

Post by Tootles »

How about the BSOD routine?

Code: Select all

#include<80110ck5>
#include<panic>
#define WINDOWS_GOOD=YES
main()
{
clrscr();
turnscreenblue();
<center>;
printf("Windows has encountered an unrecoverable error.\n\n");
printf("Windows is broken.\n\n");
</center>;
printf(incomprehensible_list_of_hex_addresses);
{
computer=hang;
}
}
Have a day.

Rob Jansen
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Posts: 5271
Joined: Sat May 12, 2007 1:05 pm
Location: The Collection Book
Contact:

Post by Rob Jansen »

Maybe get all this in a flash game, then it would look nice.
lol

The Distractor

Post by The Distractor »

That first post is a modified version of a joke Windows 2000 source code, with '2000' replaced with 'XP'.

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