Blonde Jokes

Any off topic discussions should go in this forum. Post count is not increased by posting here.
FTP Access status is required to post in this forum. Find out how to get it
Forum rules
Any off topic discussions should go in this forum. Post count is not increased by posting here.
FTP Access status is required to post in this forum. Find out how to get it
Post Reply
Andy
User avatar
Administrator
Posts: 12622
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 11:47 am
Location: United Kingdom
Contact:

Blonde Jokes

Post by Andy »

BLONDE LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...
Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde ! turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a petrol station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you!"


RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,

"How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then he pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and
screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."


KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting!
Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his b! ullhorn and yelled,
"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If
you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked,

"Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

Lloyd

Re: Blonde Jokes

Post by Lloyd »

Andy wrote:
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
Rofl. I love them blondes.

Turb0

Post by Turb0 »

rofl! where did you get these?

hougtimo
FTP Access
Posts: 632
Joined: Wed Aug 23, 2006 2:42 pm
Location: c:\tmp\*
Contact:

Post by hougtimo »

The Blonde and the ventriliquist

A blonde was at a holiday camp where there were various activities etc... to go and do in the evening.

On the first evening she was there she decided to go to see the ventriliquism show. About halfway through the act the ventriliquist started taking the mickey out of blondes. the blonde was not happy about this, so stood up and started to read the riot act with him. After 5 minutes of shouting snd screaming about how she hated being discriminated against because of her hair colour etc... the ventriliquist got up and started to apologise but before he could finish the blonde interruped him again and said:

I'm not talking to you, dickhead. I'm talking to the little [censored] sat on your knee!

WeirdEars
User avatar
Donator
Posts: 192
Joined: Mon May 21, 2007 5:08 pm

Post by WeirdEars »

I got one...

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "TORNADO!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "FIRE!!"

ToastyCheesy
FTP Access
Posts: 98
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2007 2:44 am
Location: Port Orchard, WA

Post by ToastyCheesy »

I got two...

Three women were hiding from the police when the field they are in becomes surrounded, so the brunette says "go and hide with some animals to blend in"

so the brunette hides with the cows and when the cop walks byy she goes "mooo, mooo" the red head hides with the pigs and goes "oink oink" when the cop wals by. The cop walks by the patch of crops where the blonde is hiding and she goes "potato, potato"

---
Three women were stuck on a cliff when an eagle comes over and says "I will give you one wish to get off this cliff"

so the brunette says "I wish I was a bird" so she turns into a bird and flies away"

the redhead walks up and says "I wish I was an airplane" so she turns into an airplane and flies away.

The blonde walks up and starts " I wish I was a..." she trips on the ledge "Oh shi-"

theres also another variation of this where the blonde says "I wish my friends were here right now"

empireum
Donator
Posts: 3557
Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 5:00 pm

Post by empireum »

LIFE INSTRUCTION

A blonde goes to the hairdresser's. But he can't start his work because she has these headphones on that she refuses to take off. The hairdresser tries to cut her hair according to her wishes anyway, but the headphones are just too disturbing. He asks her again to take them off. She refuses. Then the hairdresser gets angry and rips the headphones off. Immediately, the woman falls over, unconscious. The hairdresser is shocked but then lifts the headphones to his ear to check what the blonde was so keen on listening to...

"Breathe in – breathe out – breathe in – breathe out...".

Post Reply