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 PostPost subject: Microsoft's Marketing Strategy        Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:35 pm 
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Windows 10
This is the source of a cpp file I found in the Internet:

Code:
#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* for the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()
   {
   if(latest_window_version > one_month_old)
      {
      if(there_are_still_bugs)
         market(bugfix);

      if(sales_drop_below_certain_point)
         raise(RUMORS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
      }

   while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
      {
      make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */

      if(rumours_grow_wilder)
         make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);

      if(rumours_grow_even_wilder)
         {
         market_time=ripe;
         say("It will be ready in one month");
         order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
         order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
         order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
         vapourware=TRUE;
         break;
         }
      }

   switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
      {
      case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
         say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
         break;

      case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
         say("Yes it will work");
         ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
         pretend(there_is_no_problem);
         break;

      case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
         say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"" the 32 bits architecture");
         inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
         inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant""'cos all these customers will need at least 32 megs");
         inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
         get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
         break;

      case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
         say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone");

         register(journalist, BIG_BILL_BOOK);

         when(time_is_ripe)
            {
            arrest(journalist);
            brainwash(journalist);

            when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
               {
               order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
               release(journalist);
               }
            }
         break;
      }

   while (vapourware)
      {
      introduction_date++; /* Delay */
      if(no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
         break;

      say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
      }

   release(beta_version)

   while(everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
      {
      bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
      release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
      introduce(more_memory_requirements);

      if(customers_report_installation_problems)
         {
         say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");

         if(smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
            {
            ignore(customer);
            order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this [censored]");
            }
         }

      if(bills_bank_account > skyhigh && marriage > two_years)
         {
         divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
         wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
         marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
         devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);

         if(boobies_start_to_hang)
            dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
         }

      if(there_is_another_company)
         {
         steal(their_ideas);
         accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
         hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
         wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
         buy_out(other_company);
         }
      }

   /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us */

   order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
   buy(nice_little_island);
   hire(harem);
   laugh_at(everyone, for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
   }

void bugfix(void)
   {
   charge (a_lot_of_money)

   if(customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
      say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");

   if(still_complaints)
      {
      ignore(customer);
      register(customer, big_Bill_book); /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
      }
   }


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